Estrella's Admission

[Estrella]

Estrella stepped into the office with soft footsteps’ not daring to look up. She found her way to a chair and sat down. While Madam Mournington closed the door, Estrella quickly murmured under her breath: “Gloria al Padre, al Hijo y al Espíritu Santo. Como era en el principio, ahora y siempre, por los siglos de los siglos. Amen.”*
She hadn’t even been here 5 minutes and already she felt an anxiety attack coming on. She didn’t belong here in this cold, dusty building! She belonged at home, sprawled out on a blanket in the garden, reading a book and munching on an apple, her mother doing some needlework nearby and humming a familiar song.
Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Estrella saw a small movement. She looked and saw a brief glimpse of a little tail disappearing into the wall. Estrella bent forward for a closer look, but her attention was quickly directed elsewhere as a bloodcurdling scream came from somewhere overhead.
Estrella felt the blood drain from her face. Aye, Dios mio,** she thought. What kind of a place was this?
Estrella looked at Madam Mournington, who had settled into her chair across from Estrella, the wooden desk separating the woman from the girl.
“¿Qué fue…”*** Estrella began, then swallowed and started again. “What was that?” she asked the Headmistress.

//OOG: * The Glory Be prayer in Spanish.
** “Oh, my God.”
*** “What was…”//

[Madam Mournington]

"The sound?" Madam Mournington said and looked upwards. "An inm- .. patient. She must have behaved badly. If you behave, your stay will be most pleasant. But you can only get a pure mind, if you do. Excactly. As. We. Tell. You."
The last words were said with pauses in between, and Madam Mournington leaned over her desk. "You must remember that." Her eyes flinched for a second, revealing an icecold stare, but it disappeared as fast as it had come. She smiled yet again, and folded her hands over the desk.

[Estrella]

The tears Estrella had been holding back suddenly burst forth. She bent forward, her small frame racking with sobs. She shook her head, trying to slow down her thoughts.
“P-please, ma’am,” she said between sobs. “I don’t want to c-cause any t-trouble. I just w-want to go h-home.” She squeezed her eyes shut, causing more tears to run down her face in rivulets. Estrella lowered her head over her beads, muttering the Hail Mary prayer in Spanish rapidly under her breath.
Oh God, why was she here? Why did God do this to her? She was good, she didn’t deserve this. What would happen to her, what did they do here? That scream wasn’t normal; terrible things must happen here what if something happens to her she would try to do good but what if she’s bad what will happen oh God if she thinks about it she’ll worry and appear anxious and they’ll get mad and do God knows what to her she can’t think she can’t worry but she is oh no no no can’t no can’t think please please no she’ll be good can’t think please no more no more what now please God why Dios te salve, María Dios te salve, María Dios te salve, María*…

//OOG: * "Hail Mary, Hail Mary, Hail Mary"
Estrella suffers from OCD and a mild form of mania called hypomania, and I do, too. The stream-of-consciousness paragraph at the end of this passage is a small sampling of what I have experienced when my OCD and hypomania mix and result in a wild thinking frenzy when I get trapped in my own mind and can’t get out.//

[Madam Mournington]

"Now, now child," said Mournington in a seemingly caring voice, but with a hint of annoyance. "There's a reason you are here - We will try to help you in the most professional way." Her facial-expression didn't seem to be affected at all, actually she semt a little bored. So many times she had to encounter all these crying girls. "And stop saying all these things in spanish - It is not appropriate for a young lady like you."
She patted Estrella on the cheek, and took a breath. "Now, if you would like to follow me, I will take you to a nurse, that will show you your chamber." So many times she had said chamber instead of cell. It was nowhere near a chamber. But Estrella didn't know, did she now?

[Estrella]

Estrella said nothing; she merely kept here eyes locked on her feet as she stood up to follow Madam Mournington out of the office. Even though she had been forbidden to speak in her mother’s tongue, Estrella still played her revered prayers over and over in her head, in Spanish. Her mother had told her once that you didn’t need words to pray; el Padre always knew what your intentions were. But even so, Estrella’s mouth ached to form words. However, she swallowed them down, biting her tongue to prevent any sound from escaping. Maybe if she did everything they asked, she would get out of here sooner.
As Estrella turned toward the door, she saw another movement out of the corner of her eye; she turned to see a flash of gray and pink. Estrella saw the same tail, and this time she caught a pair of ears before the creature vanished into the wall again. It looked like a rat or mouse. Estrella loved animals, and she wanted to examine the wall closer, but instead she obediently turned back to Madam Mournington and followed her out of the room.

[Jinny]

Jinny watched the girl and the woman through the crack in the wall, her black eyes hungrily devouring the scene. Her little pink nose twitched; she didn’t recognize the sight or the scent of this girl. She must be new. She definitely appeared to be one of the younger girls in the Asylum, and one of the quietest. From this very spot Jinny had seen countless raving, screaming, sobbing girls, and this girl didn’t hold a candle to any of them in terms of mania. Jinny shuffled in her spot, watching the two women exiting the room. Jinny paused, and then turned and retreated into the depths of the Asylum walls.